Close your eyes...

bitterjack @ 2008-09-18T21:15:00

2008-09-19T04:16:00Z

I am posting a Live...

2008-08-15T22:43:55Z

I am posting a Live Journal entry even though I don't like many Live Journal entries, but I am trying to use this new Jott that I found on the website. I wonder if it actually works. Does it actually tell(?) or give all of the information that I say onto text? It's kind of weird to have to talk completely because if I do not

listen:
http://www.jott.com/show.aspx?id=1fd6e81e-b09c-4d4b-adb1-daf85473c140
Powered by jott.com

Okey, So it cut me off,...

2008-08-15T22:42:03Z

Okey,
So it cut me off, I guess I was running to long then, so I think I'm going to stop writing or____ I'll update more later.

listen:
http://www.jott.com/show.aspx?id=b085caa0-33a3-4722-8dc2-25c6fb15f0e6
Powered by jott.com

Why I want to be a doctor

2007-02-28T05:22:54Z

Most of these essays start by saying (or essentially saying), "Ever since I was young I've had a deep passion for the art of helping people/medicine/saving people's lives." However, a quick response to that would be, well then if you like helping people, why are you not public health? Why do you like helping poeple? If you like medicine, why do you not do research? If you like saving people's lives there is no better option than being a fire fighter, police man or even a lawyer (a lot of things can save people's lives). But these quick responses are not why saying "a deep passion for the helping people" is wrong. There is a much deeper problem that not all of us know: it is a lie. When we were young what did we know of passion or interests? We were passionate about anything that was exciting, and we were interested in anything that moved. It is easy to say one was passionate or interested in anything when one was young, but how does that make it your real passion, your driving force? It does not, and until we are old enough to grow into our own beings and actually find what our true passions are, saying we want to be doctor since we were young is a misconception and a lie. However, the problem is that so many pre-med students say they want to be doctors but have not truly evaluated why they want to do it. They have not thought of the near decade long commitment to further education or why they even need all that education in the first place. They just stay in their auto-pilot pods their parents have shoved them in and hope that they will get through life somehow. So long as they work hard and commit themselves to the idea, a momentous reward in the end will come serve itself on a silver platter, and it will all be worth it in the end.

This was me. This religion of education was mine. I realize now that I was a shameful bane of reason and life. I am so thankful that I failed my MCAT and did not apply to medical school last year because this was how lost I would have been. Without reason and without care, essentially, I would have dove headlong into the world of medicine without having been able to decide for myself why I wanted to be a doctor. However, through Hopkins' amazing medical tutorial program, multiple philosopy classes, but most of all my break up with my ex-girlfriend, I have thought about my life, what I want to do with it, and what it will have to do with medicine.

Reason one: Self-cultivation- increasing knowledge of life, how it works, and how to sustain it.
Reason two: Through self-cultivation a resulting ability and responsibility to help people live longer and happier lives.

Further explaination later.

bitterjack @ 2004-10-02T01:59:00

2004-10-02T06:00:16Z

I've come to a realization. Livejournal is my desperate attempt for attention. I really am an attention whore. I think I'm gonna cut myself off. Don't expect much more kids. Bitterjack out.

bitterjack @ 2004-09-28T01:31:00

2004-09-28T05:42:28Z

I've been studying and almost allnighting for a week straight. that means no parties, no drinking, and basically no fun...
Neuroscience last thursday, i started super studying since monday. and then i had to superduperstudy for biochem after friday, cuz friday was my neuro recovery. maybe i shouldn't have done that.
anyways biochem didn't treat me the right way...

so at 2:30 in the afternoon, i had 4 shots of yagermeister and a nice conversation about the ghettoness of baltimore with sarah
spent the rest of the afternoon sleeping and solving the rubix cube.
went to dinner and had something aside from caffenne for the first time in awhile.

I came to the realization that if i do badly on this exam, in which i did, i still have time to make it up. I usually start out slow in the year, and then i get into the rhythm. I start doing better, and i'll probably get a B+, but last year i got an A- which was awesome.
so after dinner i got to watch some movies and finally went back to wing chun. been waiting all week for that. After wing chun, all the bro's got together, got dressed up, and tonight was bid night. Awesome handed out 5 bids, and we got the four we actually wanted already, the last one if we don't get i'll be kind of happy, but that's another story.
So so far doing bad in one class, but doing well in everything else, especially the fraternity.

On the quiet level of the library... 40 feet into the ground... (ITIDLTSG)

2004-09-25T19:30:00Z

A = Alex E = Me
E- So were you ever in love with that girl?
A- Love doesn't exist. Love is just prolonged infatuation.
E- So what's the differnece between love and infatuation?
A- *sarcastically* One doesn't exist! duH! As Parmenides said, "what is not, cannot be."
E- God doesn't exist, but there's still a definition for it(Him).
A- there are two ways of inquiry. The path of persuasion and the path of describing what it is not. Only the first path works, yet the world tends to dwell on the second. God cannot be defined, it can be vaguely described, but because it cannot be thought of, "nothing" cannot be. Thus, no God, love and many other that cannot be defined.
E- Perhaps it can be described but only in ways we are not enlightened enough to know of. We are not omniscient, thus we cannot assume whether one thing can or cannot be described.
A- Does the omniscient exist? We exist only in a single reality. What we cannot perceive, by definition, does not exit in our reality.
E- True. However, our realities may be expanded through education, experimentation, experience and enlightenment, as does a six year-old child's as he jumps off the top of a playground structure does he realize that he is mortal. Love is equally as nonexistent as infatuation, but how can only one be defined. Perhaps one is more readily perceived.
A- FOUR THOUSAND YEARS OF HUMAN HISTORY love STILL cannot be defined.
E- Only after two thousand years of Human history did we then realize that the world is round.
A- But a ROUND WORLD can be PERCEIVED. Love cannot.
E- A round world can only be perceived by those enlightened by such information. Why does it feel like we can perceive infatuation but not love? In essence, what's the difference?
A- ...I'll give you that one. Back to studying.
Love is a religion... =P

bitterjack @ 2004-09-15T14:17:00

2004-09-15T18:23:56Z

The Essence of Luske is cut short. Fossil Man wins title. Sales of hologram glasses go up. Men across the nation let loose a tear of sadness.

bitterjack @ 2004-08-07T23:21:00

2004-08-08T06:24:52Z

I hate my fucking arm.
i hate my fucking arm

i wish to god it never dislocated.

This is one of those posts that gets no comments.

2004-08-03T07:40:46Z

I've always had the fear of opening up a door out of a small confined room and it led to entirely different dimension. Not that it was a warp to another dimension, but more of the entire universe changed while I was in some closed room. Some the doors of the dreams I've had of it when I was younger led to Hell. Demons, blood, mangled flesh, body parts, all in the form of the place that used to be. Like if I opened up the door out of my bathroom i would see the hallway made out of blood and flesh. Sometimes when i was about to open up the door to my room I had feared a bloody murdered family member ripped to shreads all about my room. It's a sick imagination but I couldn't help it.
Other times I would be scared that when i opened the door i would be opening to open space and all i would see was emptyness much like space, but no stars. No anything. I would be sucked into the room and I would be able to do nothing until i died.
Am i that unsatisfied with life?
I open the door, and everything is the same.

bitterjack @ 2004-07-16T15:46:00

2004-07-16T22:47:08Z

I want to lose twenty pounds.

2004-07-16T00:11:51Z

i've been thinking a lot about life lately.
i've been thinking about death too.
I've been debating with my brother about not having children.
I've debated with tranwei about life after death and the existance of something greater.
I believe the greatest gift you can give someone is the opportunity of life.
The second greatest gift is giving someone the opportunity to love.
The third greatest gift is preserving life.

I was thinking about joining the national guard.
I was thinking about joining the 2007 World Series of Poker.

I want to live like I was dying.

Tranwei asked me if anything I could do would change anything on the macro(cosmos) scale of the universe.
I don't want to change the world.
I just want to affect those around me.
I want to love. I want to comfort.

I want to drown for a day of tears when I die, and then i want everyone to be happy for the rest of their lives.

I want to mean something.

bitterjack @ 2004-07-05T12:40:00

2004-07-05T20:05:17Z

i just realized what heaven is.

from the start... God created beings so that he may be praised for his work. so he created us- man. but God gave the great gift of free will to man. and guess what. man doesn't praise God any more. holy moly, so that means theres a problem.
subsequently, god gives us a proposition. live your life as undestructive as possible, and you will be rewarded with eternal bliss in heaven.

but what is heaven?
you can't have lustful sex with the hot girl at the party. you can't kill your worst enemy. you can't glutton. you can't sin. basically, you can't do what you want.
God says, that doesn't matter. "you don't know what you want dear son. you will be given the ability to praise me, God, wholly and completely and that, my son, is eternal happiness."
so wait a fuckin second.
what you're going to do to us in heaven is brainwash us so we worship you, which was the only reason we were created in the first place. So what you want to do is, take away man's greatest gift, Free Will, so you can cover up your biggest mistake, giving man free will.
GOD MADE A MISTAKE??? shouldn't time-space continuum be folding in on itself? isn't god all powerful, all omniscient all mistake free??
the universe's greatest coverup. is God. making a mistake. hey, if we talk to loud, space-time continuum just my collapse on our asses.

So God's proposition comes down to this. Become my worshiping slaves for eternity or live in eternal pain and suffering. don't worry, you won't know you're actually slaves. i know what you want so you don't need free will; all you want to do is praise me.
sure god. that's what i want.
what i really want. is to not live in eternal pain mother fucker.

God's original plan with this was: hey i want people to worship me, but its not genuine unless they have a choice. okay. i'll give them a choice. either they worship me forever, or they die infinite many times. its still a choice.

thanks god. that's really nice of you. would i rather live in eternal pain, or live eternally praising. so long as praising doesn't involve pain.. i'm all good.

bitterjack @ 2004-06-23T08:56:00

2004-06-23T15:59:19Z

up or down?
i don't know.
left or right?
i guess i'm much more one than i am the other
foward or back?
i'm stuck.
save me.

bitterjack @ 2004-05-20T10:14:00

2004-05-20T17:16:04Z

you know what's sorta sad?

I think i'd be the type of guy, who if God chose me to be his Jesus and sacrifice my life for the human race, I would. however, midway through the torture I'd bail because I'm selfish.

that's sad.

On the otherhand, i'm pretty gung-ho about telling other people what to do right. I wouldn't be worthy to be Jesus.

I need companionship. I need compassion. I miss these things.

bitterjack @ 2004-05-15T10:14:00

2004-05-15T17:38:41Z

i have a girlfriend
new york city is quite far
summer is painful

neither of us believe in long distance relationships. but we really didn't want to break up. so we took a break. for the summer up

bitterjack @ 2004-05-08T00:23:00

2004-05-08T04:24:39Z

easy come . easy go .
happiness is relative. right?

bitterjack @ 2004-04-28T01:12:00

2004-04-28T05:15:47Z

the two most bestest quotes ever. found today.

one from my brother.
I put the fun in dysfunctional.-bates

and another from my math teacher, whose wrath I have escaped, yet whose humor precedes me
math is an acquired taste. the more you do it the more you will appreciate it. it becomes an addiction. its almost like... mental masterbation.

I love Hopkins

love limbo

2004-04-22T12:34:03Z

premise:
You have fallen deeply in love with someone of the opposite sex. You two have been dating for two years, and from the outlooks of it, if you two were married and had kids, life would be good. Financially stable. Life is entertaining and enjoyable. Basically life is great. Everything is perfect. Would you Stay if, one day you find out they:

Part I
a. altered state of mind (drunk/drugs/etc.) and was taken advantage of at a party you were not at. They had sex. once.
b. altered state of mind. sex with some random person (of your sex) once.
c. sex with some random person once
d. sex relationship with some person on the side
e. sex once with one of your friends (of your sex)
f. sex relationship with one of your friends
g. sex once with his best friend (of your sex)
h. sex relationship with his best friend
i. sex once with your best friend (of your sex)
j. sex relationship with your best friend (of your sex)
k. (got someone) pregnant with some random person (assuming no baby)
l. (got someone) pregnant with one of your friends (assuming no baby)
m. (got someone) pregnant with his best friends (assuming no baby)
n. (got someone) pregnant with your best friend (assuming no baby)
o. (got someone) pregnant with some random person (wanted to keep baby)
p. (got someone) pregnant with one of your friends (wanted to keep baby)
q. (got someone) pregnant with his best friends (wanted to keep baby)
r. (got someone) pregnant with your best friend (wanted to keep baby)

Part II
a. altered state of mind participated in orgy
b. participated in orgy
c. masturbates a LOT
d. (gets off on) masturbates to homo porn
e. (gets off on) masturbates to animal porn
f. (gets off on) masturbates to homo animal porn
g. (gets off on) masturbates to dead stuff
h. (gets off on) masturbates to piss and shit porn

Part III
a. altered state of mind (drunk/drugs/etc.) and was taken advantage of at a party you were not at. They had sex. once. (of their sex
b. altered state of mind. sex with some random person (of their sex) once.
c. sex with some random person once
d. sex relationship with some person on the side
e. sex once with one of your friends (of their sex)
f. sex relationship with one of your friends
g. sex once with his best friend (of their sex)
h. sex relationship with his best friend
i. sex once with your best friend (of their sex)
j. sex relationship with your best friend (of their sex)

Part IV
a. was bisexual
b. was your 3rd cousin
c. was your 2nd cousin
d. was your 1st cousin
e. was your sibling
f. was born your sex

well

2004-04-16T11:40:34Z

fucking yes. I LOVE HELL WEEK. IF I COULD LIVE THE REST OF LIFE AS ONE MOMENT IN TIME, IT WOULD BE THIS.

I'm tired. I've had no sleep. I'm dirty. I'm living at the house while being shunned for the fact that I snore. I don't know my shit. I have a huge research paper (yes again) that i haven't started yet and will not start until sunday, even tho it is due Tuesday.

oh goodness. I escaped the house. Hopefully they don't mind. shit. don't wanna run laps for that.
yesterday was the most physically exerting day i've ever had in my life, ever.

I carry a huge cinder block around the entire day. And when people ask me why i'm carrying a cinder block, i must respond "what cinder block?" that seemed to annoy the hell out of people that already hate me...
and then the night. i don't want to remember.
we did too many things, i almost threw up.

well
dreary the man who spurns his comrades
stumbling along his lonely way
happier he who joins his brothers
singing a beta lay

everytime mike watters step in the door

2004-04-13T18:10:03Z

*wik-i-wik-i-wik-i-wik*
my name is...
Shakezula
the mic rula
the old schoola
you wanna trip?
i'll bring it to ya!

Frylock and i'm on top
rock you like a cop
meatwad you're up next
with ur knock-knocks!

Meatwad make the money, see.
Meatwad get the honeys, G.
Drivin in my car
livin like a star
got ice on my fingers and my toes
and i'm a taurus.

yo check it, yo check check it.

cuz we are the aqua teenz!
make the homeys say ho!
and the girlies wanna scream!

cuz we are the aqua teenz!
make the homeys say ho!
and the girlies wanna scream!

yeah
Aqua teen hunger force,
Numba one in tha hood G.

i wish this happened to me so i could bitch about it

2004-03-31T04:05:03Z

http://atomfilms.shockwave.com/af/content/atom_1192

bitterjack @ 2004-03-19T16:31:00

2004-03-20T00:34:54Z

wow... the passion of the christ was a waste of my money.
Unless you don't believe the bible that Jesus got messed up and crucified for our sins, and i mean bad, you shouldn't really watch it. Unless you like cringing.

All respect to Mel Gibson for trying to make a depiction of what Christ went through, but as a movie, it was horrible. that's all

btw i'm gonna die cuz i have so many fucking midterms

2004-03-08T06:12:32Z

the goal of life is to become more like God
If anyone could, they'd be God.

obviously for the wrong reason

bawoo

2004-03-01T22:03:38Z

i miss home